How to find your place in the world

Recently, an old college friend from New Jersey came to visit me in Charlotte, NC. As we reminisced on our carefree college days, and attempted to connect the dots from those days of the past to our current lives, he became curious about the young girl I was in high school, before we met each other. It wasn’t long before we were flipping through the pages of my high school yearbook. When we got to the photo of me, laying on my side on a limestone bench, I read the quote below my photo and was reminded of who that young bright-eyed girl was who was looking back at me.

Written below my picture, were my words: “Find a place for yourself in the world before the world finds a place for you.” As I wrote those words back then, I knew that this was my deep and powerful truth. Then, the world was my oyster and I was going to live life to the fullest, learning more about myself and what I wanted out of life with each passing adventure. I was determined to not become complacent and end up with a life full of “leftovers”—experiences that I was stuck with because I was too afraid to go after what I was truly craving. That was not going to be me!

Now, many years later, those words are even more real and true to me. Sitting with my visiting friend, I was confronted with that quote, curious about whether or not the 18-year-old version of myself would say that this current version of myself had truly found her place in the world. I felt like I owed it to her—my high school self—to be able to answer yes. Not only that, but I owed it to my clients.

As if reading my mind, my friend asked me what I meant by the quote back then, whether or not I still thought those words were important and symbolized my current values. He asked whether or not I felt I had found “my place.”

My answers? Yes. Those words are still so valuable to me. They are so important to me that I chose a career that aims to help people find their own places in the world. As a licensed therapist and coach, no matter what my clients’ presenting issues are, at their core, they are all ultimately seeking the same thing—to find meaning in the midst of pain and chaos, to experience intense joy that reminds them that they are exactly where they are meant to be at that particular time of their lives.

As a human being, my life is a mix of joy and pain. What I can say, however, is that I have made it a point of ALWAYS finding my way out of my unhappy places with my own personal recipe for healing. I encourage my clients, my friends and my family to do the same—to decide on their own special tools for finding their way back into a state of joy. The same tools will not work for everyone. So it is important to pick and choose, sampling what works best for each of us. This is part of the process of finding out who you are—knowing what works for you.

What has worked for me, in particular? Travel. Travel. Travel. This has been so powerful for me that I had to write the word three times! Travel has been one of the most therapeutic experiences for me. And in speaking with clients, I know it is a prescription for self-care that has worked for many of them. The therapeutic aspect of travel comes from the power of stepping outside of our everyday routines and our everyday worlds, putting our focus on our new surroundings. This process enables one to put everything into perspective and create an experience similar to how many people feel when they look out at the expansiveness of a powerful ocean and recognize that their problems are small in comparison. Travel is therapy because it provides an intense contradiction: recognition of how small we are, along with a realization of our strength and power as individuals—and collectively with others. As I have done, I encourage clients to put themselves in new environments that are rich in culture and beauty. On my solo retreats over the years, I have planned a number of therapeutic activities for myself in a variety of cities (from Big Sur, California to Tuscany and Sweden), connecting with professionals who have provided therapies like somatic experiencing and EMDR. Each time, I come home feeling brand new, yet more grounded and certain of who I am.

Travel is one of the most fulfilling and healing things we can do for ourselves. Through travel and my journey as a therapist I have found my place in this world. One can use travel as a means of tuning into the spiritual self, making it a point of asking ourselves difficult questions, then adjusting our thoughts and behaviors based on the answers. Through travel, we can learn to be gentle with ourselves, and learn about our own power and strength through observing the wisdom and resilience of others. Travel puts things into perspective.